You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
