Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
