hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
