Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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