i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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