She announced her abortion via fbk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The air was thick with penises
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
