I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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