I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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