My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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