Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
