Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
