Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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