I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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