just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize