I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am naked and annoyed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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