3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
