When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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