Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
