Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
