We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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