mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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