i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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