With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
two words: eviction party
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
