are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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