Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
