I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
