Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize