So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Found your dick twin last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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