How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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