remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize