just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
