just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
