You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
