So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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