dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
