One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
