DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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