It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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