Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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