I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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