I want to have your abortion
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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