Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
