you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
