I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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