Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
