I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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