so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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