help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
