Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
