Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
