we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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