my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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