I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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