and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
