It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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