come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
