Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
