i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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