I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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