when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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