I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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