I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize