Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
