the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
