My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
