Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
