okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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