You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
