When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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