Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
