It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
