I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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