All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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