She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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