I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think a kid would responsible me up
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
