he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
