I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
