you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
