when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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