I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
