Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
