going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
