I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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