both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
