whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
