I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
