I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
