I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
