Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
