Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
