I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
