Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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