I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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