So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
