Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
