WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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