my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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