Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
