he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
