Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize