I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
