It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
