I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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