Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize