is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
