My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize