cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
