Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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